


New Experiences

by IllegalCerebral



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Crack Fic, Improperly Cooked Meat, Suggestive Themes, Team Bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-27
Updated: 2017-10-27
Packaged: 2019-01-25 05:12:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12523744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IllegalCerebral/pseuds/IllegalCerebral
Summary: Part of a tumblr crack fic challenge. You're new to the BAU and one of your fellow agents offers to broaden your horizons.





	New Experiences

“Look all I’m asking is that you try” said Luke patiently.

“Okaaaay” you said, hesitantly. This was so far out of your comfort zone and yet you couldn’t deny you were intrigued “it’s just, we don’t really know each other that well and to be honest I am not adventurous about trying new things…” You trailed off, kind of embarrassed about how that sounded. You weren’t a big sharer, you were new to the team and honestly you had been worried about how unworldly you would appear in everyone’s eyes. Luke had offered to help you out on that front.

“Look I get it, totally” said Luke “That’s why I asked Spencer to help…”

“I want it noted” Spencer jumped in “That 3,000 people die from this annually and another 100,000 are hospitalised and that I agreed to nothing until I had a chance to examine the goods first”

Luke rolled his eyes.

“I knew I should have asked someone else” he sighed “Does this mean you’re backing out? ‘Cause I’m all ready to go and there’s going to be a huge mess if I have to take care of it myself so you guys may as well join in”

You and Spencer exchange a look. You don’t want to back out and give them the wrong impression off you.

“Fine” you said after a moment “Show us what you’re going to impress us with?”

Luke grinned broadly, everything was prepared and arranged to look as appealing as possible.

You trembled, feasting your eyes on his pulsating meat sword. My that looked…meaty.

There was a heavy silence. Spencer was the first to speak.

“Don’t be offended” he said slowly “But there is no way I’m putting that in my mouth”

“How is that not offensive? Haven’t you heard of constructive criticism?” exclaimed Luke “What about you?” he turned to you. You couldn’t take your eyes off it. It glistened hypnotically. 

“I’m kind of relieved” you said “I thought it would be bigger based on what you said but that actually seems manageable”

“It looks moist” said Spencer “Is it leaking?”

“I think you’ve got some…juices on you” you added.

“Look it doesn’t matter what it looks like just taste it” Luke was getting exasperated now.

“Luke honestly I’m flattered but the more I look at it the more I realise I want to try going vegetarian” you stuttered.

“Are you kidding? I marinaded the meat for a week and they have been cooking all morning! You will never taste a nicer Shish Kebab than this I promise you. I found an authentic Turkish recipe.”

“I’m sure the recipe is fine but remember the last time you cooked for the team?” said Spencer “I didn’t leave my bathroom for three days straight. Food poisoning is no joke.”

“That was once! I cook for Roxy all the time and she loves it.”

“Then Roxy can eat it!”

“Please, I am begging you, can we just order a pizza?” asked Spencer.

You breathed a sigh of relief. Being hospitalised due to Luke’s dodgy meat was not the way you wanted to start your relationship with the team.


End file.
